Oh Dear, Not Another Apology!

I have been so remiss with my blogs lately, it's getting more and more embarrassing every day.
Too many blogs and other time wasters, that's been my only (poor) excuse up until now.

But now I have an excuse which is also an answer to the problem at the same time. Confused? Well stick with me and I'll explain.

About three weeks ago I began to feel fatigued and my handwriting became even worse than usual. I then developed weakness on my right-hand side, both leg/feet and arm/hand. I realised there was a problem when I went to a wedding and my 70+ year old mother was walking much faster than me.

That was on a Saturday and I went and saw my doctor about the problem. She sent me to get a CT scan and have some blood taken for testing. The blood test results were all fine, but the CT scan had some things not quite normal, so she advised I get an ultrasound of my carotid artery and also that I should see a neurologist.

I couldn't get in to have either of these things done straight away, so I settled down to wait. I couldn't get in to see a neurologist for over three weeks. This was too slow, but fortunately, after many phone calls by my husband and my doctors office, I had an appointment to see another neurologist. In the meantime I'd had a visit from an occupational therapist who was very helpful - she showed me ways to get things done as much as I was able (best thing? she told me how to put on my bra! I felt much better once I could be back in control, even if just in control of my breasts!)

Anyway, I got in to see a neurologist. He wouldn't say much about what he thought was wrong, but sent me off for another test - an MRI scan. This took another week to have the scan then get in to see the neurologist again. The MRI scan was an interesting experience, and I thank all of my friends who told me what to expect.

So, hubby and I picked up the scans of my brain and my spinal cord, and gave them to my neuro to look at. The diagnosis? Well it was something I hadn't considered at all. The neurologist told me I had MS, Multiple Sclerosis. He was very reassuring and told me there were treatments available for MS, and also there was a lot of research being done on MS, and I could expect new treatments in the next few years.

He then explained a lot to my husband (Graham) and me about my new disease and eased our minds a little. He advised me to make an appointment with the Multiple Sclerosis Society and gave me a prescription for the medicine I would have to inject myself with once a week. This happened last Friday and tomorrow my mother is taking me to the MS Society and Graham is picking up the medicine he ordered at the pharmacy Friday afternoon after our visit.

I'm still not sure I will be able to inject myself, but I guess I'll have to. Graham has said he'll do it for me, but he said I'll be able to do it.

So that's one reason my blogs have gone quiet, apart from just not having time because I was busy doing fifty million other things. Now though, lots of those other things don't seem to matter. Having a voice, connecting with others seems to be one of the most important thing I can do. I can't deal with this disease on my own, and I have already had fantastic support from my family and friends.

One of the most important supports I've had through this though has been my own writing. I've kept friends up to date through my words on Facebook, and I've written three poems about it all so far. My writing has kept me connected with people and it's enabled me to deal with it all so that I don't feel overwhelmed.

I can't cure Multiple Sclerosis through creative writing, but I can keep depression at bay, and I can connect with other people. The more friends I take with me on this journey, the better it will be! I hope you will join me.

Apology for my Absense

I am so sorry to have not been been since mid January. One of the problems at times is that you get so many ideas that you lose track of what you should be doing. That is sort of what has happened, except that I have been using my creativity to come up with stories to tell myself explaining to my inner critic why I haven't done a post on this site.

Does that make sense to you? If it does, I fear it may prove my theory that many creative people are great procastinators. I have written about this here and on other sites, in fact I'm just going to Google my name and procrastination together and see how many things come up...


Back again. Well, there were a few things, articles I'd written and so on on Google, interesting. What about you? Do you ever put off doing things, and tell yourself stories trying to justify yourself to yourself? I'd love to hear some good excuses not to do housework!

Is Life Getting You Down?

If you sometimes feel that life is stacked against you, that nothing ever goes right for you and there is nothing you can do to fix it, you may be a victim of your own Cognitive Distortions.

If you go to this website, you may learn the way to restructure your negative thoughts and find a much better, more positive life.

I am fortunate in that I am not constantly assailed by negative thoughts about my life, and I manage to keep a positive look on my own life most of the time. But if everything looks like it's against you, it can be difficult to look at the bright side to life, because the dark side overwhelms you.

If you feel like this, please take some time to look at your life.

Our lovely schnauzer Aust Ch Holkschter Rangler Jane is gone. I came home yesterday to find she had died. Goodbye, and thank you.

Poetry as Therapy

I have written about this before in many places, and spoken to many people about the benefits of sorting out your head through creative writing. I know it has worked for me, and I know it has worked for other people.

At my writing group we have people with their own skills and their own issues. All of us use our writing to look at the world and at our own lives in some way.

That is what creative writing is, looking at life as we see it and sometimes gaining more control. Some see it as comedy, some tragedy, and these viewpoints affect the kind of writing we create. It doesn't matter whether what we write will ever become a best-selling novel or a much acclaimed poetry collection. What matters is that we are becoming surer in what we think, and we become more whole as human beings.

A website I recommend to others go is one that a writing group member has mentioned several times to the group. I visited the site recently and I was impressed. Anyone interested in writing poetry, even if they don't have any deeper issues they wish to explore, can do the poetry writing exercises and perhaps create something new and special in ways they may not have written before.

The website is Poetic Medicine Institute. It works for me and it can work for you too. We all find our inspiration for our creativity in our own ways and this website has certainly helped me with my creativity. I wrote a poem within a few minutes of looking at the first poetry exercise, and I went places with the poem I would not have gone if I had just sat down with only pen and paper to write it, with nothing there to guide me. Having a list of words to choose from, words given to you by another, leads you to new places.

I strongly believe these new places are already there in our heads, hidden until a light is shone on the darkness and the words can come out and begin to make connections. Connections lead to more connections and can lead to clarity, or at the very least the connections will lead to things to think further on. They lead to becoming more whole as a human being.